Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb  

>Take One<

Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.

>Take Two<

Math Question: What’s the difference between one yard and two yards?

Student Answer: A fence.

>Take Three<


A myth is a female moth.

Two physicians is a paradox.

Love means nothing to tennis players.

An exhausted kangaroo is out of bounds.

>Take Four<

Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar and remark:

“Been here.”

“Am here.”

“Will be here.”

>Take Five<


Farmer Bill Dies in House.

Lack of Brains Hinders Research.

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Cartoonist found Dead in Home. Details are sketchy.

>Take Six<

Purple Prose:

Jane was toast, and not the light buttery kind, nay, she was the kind that’s been charred and blackened in the bottom of the toaster and has to be thrown a away because no matter how much of the burnt part you scrape off with a knife, there’s always more blackened toast beneath, the kind that not even starving birds in winter will eat, that kind of toast.

>Take Seven<

666 is the Sign of the Beast.

0.666 is the MilliBeast.

DCLXVI is the Ancient Roman Beast.

1010011010 is the Binary Beast.

(666) is the Beast’s Area Code.

666 ˚F is the proper oven temperature for Roast Beast.

Route 666 is the Beast’s Highway.

666 mg is the minimum daily requirement of the Beast.

$665.95 is the Retail Price of the Beast.