Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb  

>Take One<

Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity in 1687. Before that, people could fly.

>Take Two<

A jumper cable slinks into a bar.

The bartender eyes him warily and says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t you start anything.”

>Take Three<

Great minds discuss ideas.

Average minds discuss events.

Small minds discuss people.

>Take Four<

A few of the things Bart Simpson is writing on the blackboard at the beginning of each episode.

I will not waste chalk.

I will not instigate revolution.

I will not belch the National Anthem.

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.

>Take Five<

“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so,” observes Douglas Adams.

>Take Six<

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

>Take Seven<

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu. You get what you deserve.