Someone just honked to get me out of my parking space faster.
So now I have to sit here until one of us is dead.
I hate it when the parents of a newborn child ask me who the baby looks like: Mom or Dad?
The kid was born 6 minutes ago. It looks like a baked potato.
Maybe aliens haven’t visited our solar system because we only have 1 star.
Most likely, they’re looking for a solar system that received a 4-5 star rating.
Him: Where do you want to eat?
Her: Wherever you pick is fine.
Narrator: He soon discovered that wherever was not fine.
If you see someone at the movie theater buying candy, popcorn, and a soda, then they are a drug dealer.
There is no other explanation for that type of income.
Lasers were once a huge scientific breakthrough. Now we use them to play with cats.
Computers were once a huge scientific breakthrough. Now we use them to look at videos of cats.
Conclusion: Scientists are cats.
And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.