Cliff Johnson’s Treasures from the InterWeb  

>Take One<

Experience is the worst teacher. It gives you the test before you’ve had the chance to study.

>Take Two<

Rim Shots:

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

State Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Salt is what makes the food taste bad when it’s missing.

The dog who attends a flea circus will most likely steal the show.

>Take Three<

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, that looks like beard and sounds like bird.

>Take Four<

There once was a man from Great Britain

Who interrupted two girls at their knittin’.

Said he with a sigh,

“That park bench, well, I

Just painted it right where you’re sittin’.”

>Take Five<

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

>Take Six<

Google Goggling:

In which episodes does Rod Serling say “submitted for your approval?”

Although the phrase “submitted for your approval” has come to be closely identified with Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone (and is often used by Rod Serling impressionists), it is actually heard in only three episodes.

From Cavender is Coming (1962):

Submitted for your approval: The case of one Miss Agnes Grep. Put on earth with two left feet, an overabundance of thumbs, and a propensity for falling down manholes. In a moment, she will be up to her jaw in miracles brought by apprentice angel Harmon Cavender, intent on winning his wings. And though it’s a fact that both of them should have stood in bed, they will tempt all the fates by moving into the cold, gray dawn of The Twilight Zone.

From In Praise of Pip (1963):

Submitted for your approval, one Max Phillips, a slightly the-worse-for-wear maker of book, whose life has been as drab and undistinguished as a bundle of dirty clothes. And, though it’s very late in his day, he has an errant wish that the rest of his life might be sent out to a laundry, to come back shiny and clean, this to be a gift of love to a son named Pip. Mr. Max Phillips, homo sapiens, who is soon to discover that man is not as wise as he thinks - said lesson to be learned in The Twilight Zone.

From A Kind of a Stopwatch (1963):

Submitted for your approval or at least your analysis: One Patrick Thomas McNulty, who at age 41 is the biggest bore on earth. He holds a ten-year record for the most meaningless words spewed out during a coffee break. And it’s very likely that, as of this moment, he would have gone through life in precisely this manner, a dull, argumentative big mouth who sets back the art of conversation a thousand years. I say he very likely would have, except for something that will soon happen to him, something that will considerably alter his existence and ours. Now, you think about that now, because this is The Twilight Zone.

>Take Seven<

If humans evolved from the apes, how come there are still apes around?

Perhaps, some of them were given a choice.

>Cut<

>Print<

This month’s Bonus features artist Ben Rubin’s droll daydreams on the subway.

My armchair treasure hunt, The Astana Challenge, is available from Amazon and others.

From Downloads, you can play my classic games on Macintosh/Windows desktops/laptops..

Follow the new Installation instructions and play The Fool and his Money on Mac OS 10.12.

Read Chapter One, Elder and Spice, from CRAFTPUPPET, my once and future novel.

Haikus are easy.

But sometimes they don’t make sense.

Refrigerator.